Dear Brendan,
It was early morning just a week ago when I received the call that you were on the way. Less than one hour later, at 8:58am to be precise, you made a miraculous entrance into the world. December 3, 2010 will be a day that will live in my memory forever. Your daddy and I rushed to leave Houston as soon as possible so that we could be with you. The drive from Houston to Dallas, which normally takes four hours, took almost seven. We had not eaten anything since 5:00am that day and had to make one stop to gain some sustenance. Those thirty minutes seemed like an eternity. The food did not taste good to us. I guess we just wanted to get on the road and get to the hospital in a flash.
When we arrived at the Texas Presbyterian Hospital in Plano, we went straight away to Morgan’s, your birth mom’s room where we found her in the company of your maternal grandmother, Kristi, and some of her friends. Shortly after the nurse brought you in and placed you in my arms. I just could not contain my emotions. Neither could daddy. Daddy has always been the calm one in stressful situations, while I have been the emotional one. Daddy let all his emotions show that day. Our joy was so immense, we could not contain ourselves. After three years of trying to adopt a little one, we had almost lost hope and when your mom contacted us, a spark of hope was re-kindled. Through the five months that we worked with our Adoption Counselor, Amber, we went through a never-ending rollercoaster of insecurity, stress and anxiety. Somehow, we never lost hope. Amber kept us going despite the many difficult circumstances we faced. Someday, I will tell you about this-- when you are old enough to comprehend. However, I do want you to know that what your mom did was the most selfless act anyone could do. Because she loved you and wanted to give you a better life than she could, she entrusted us to be your parents. You have our pledge and our commitment that we will love you until the end of our days and will do anything to protect you against anything or anyone, guide, educate you and give you the best life anyone can have.
Earlier on the afternoon of your birth, daddy and I made a stop at Grandma and Grandpa Smith’s house on our way to the Dallas area. Though Abuelito and Abuelita in Puerto Rico already knew of your arrival since three weeks prior, we had waited to tell daddy’s parents until the very end. We did so to protect them emotionally should the adoption would not have proceeded as planned.
The nurses and staff at the hospital were amazing. We were treated with such dignity and love that the staff became like family. Denise, whom delivered you to us, guided us through those first hours with you with such care and dedication as I have never seen in another health care professional. Kristina checked up on you constantly on Saturday night when you slept with us in our room at the hospital for the first time. However, it was Christie Ramos, who spent two days with us three as a family, who guided us through the first steps of parenting. Your birth was so special to the staff and they cared for you with such love, that on Sunday, when we were set to leave the hospital, Christie almost cried. You have no idea how many individuals have cared about and loved you even before your birth.
In one of my most sympathetic correspondences before your arrival, author Jill Conner Browne, to whom I had reached out for advice in a moment of despair, sent me this message, which I will treasure forever:
“God is in control & His Plan is unfolding as it should--& His Timing is perfect. You have done all you can & should do so now wait on the Lord & expect miracles! Keep me posted. Xxooj”
She was right.
Two days before your birth, I was rather distraught because I could not reach your birth mom. I cried a long time and called daddy to tell him that I thought everything was lost. Daddy went for a walk by himself afterwards. He did not share this with me until we returned home from the hospital, but he had seen a rainbow on a sunny day with no sight of rain. He took a picture. It is a cherished treasure for us. I believe God was telling us not to lose hope. Another interesting item surrounding your birth is that all the numbers on your birth day, 12, 03, 2010, if added separately, add to 3, which is a magical number. Adding those three, you get 9, a number that numerologically speaking, is t he number of fulfillment and completion. You were the completion of the first phase of a long awaited dream. Daddy and I also gave you three names: Brendan Avery Lane. We wanted a name with Celtic undertones and what is where the first two originated. In addition, we wanted to honor the memory of daddy’s deceased brother Lane, your uncle, and that is why your third name is Lane. The housekeeper who cleaned our room at the hospital was Maria Santos. It may seem silly, but that meant a lot to us. Abuelita and Papi are devotees of the Blessed Mother of Jesus (or Mother Goddess as I like to call her). Somehow we felt that the Virgin Mary and a legion of Saints were there watching over and caring for you. On our way home from the hospital, I sat with you in the back seat of daddy’s car. As I prayed, I looked up and to my astonishment; there were no clouds in the sky, except two. The formed a cross. God was there with us guiding us home. Because of your birth, my faith in God and Mother Nature is now stronger.
When we were at the hospital, I made contact with an old friend, Maddie, who was very close to me when I lived in San Francisco. By those coincidences of life, she was living in Russia when your cousin Misha was adopted by your Aunt and Uncle, Cuchi and OJ. She helped them with accommodations at the hotel she was then working at. She had been there for the arrival of my first nephew and now I wanted her to be with me when my son was born. She rushed to the hospital carrying so many gifts for you! From that moment, she called you her nephew. Though not by blood, she is your rightful aunt as she is like a sister to me. Some weeks prior to your birth, I had written to her to let her know of your impending arrival. She wrote a very wise note:
“Words cannot express the joy in my heart and soul. It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.”
That is so true!
Three years ago, daddy and I left in Atlanta. I had a large number of friends there as I had spent 10 years of my personal and professional career in Georgia. One of my spiritual leaders, Deniz Zoeller, along with her family, had given me a plethora of gifts for you. Some of them had been used by her children when they were little. Amongst those items there was a beautiful Winnie The Pooh yellow blanket. I love Winnie The Pooh and the blanket was so special, that I promised Deniz that I would make sure you would leave the hospital wrapped in that blanket. I kept that promise. It meant a lot to me to do so. I wanted her to know that although we had been apart for three years, her and her family were still part of me.
Upon our arrival in Houston late Sunday night, daddy’s parents were at our home to greet you. The house was full of presents and a very special little cake. It was your first birthday cake. Your grandmother and grandfather even sang “Happy Birthday” for you.
Next week, your Godparents arrive to visit and spend a week with you. My sister Mayra and her husband Arturo are the most sincere and kind people I know, and they were in love with you even from the womb. I often used to tell Mayra that I could see you in my mind’s eye. I think she could too. When I first met you at the hospital, you were the exact image of what I had seen so many times before. You have brought so many individuals in our family closer, that we have indeed become a tighter clan.
Son, I want you to know that I love you with every fiber of my being. There has been no greater joy in life and greater honor than to become your father. I know daddy feels the same way. You have my promise that I will follow my friend’s Travis advise every day of your life:
“Love him with All Your Heart, Enjoy him with All Your Mind and Protect him with All your Strength! May God Bless Him; Protect Him All the Days of His Life!”
With all my love,
Papi
